- Dedication: I once binge-watched a 13-season television series on Netflix in six days.
- Finance: Putting forth maximum effort to pay the minimum payment on my credit cards each month.
- Passion: I’ve wished slow, painful deaths on no fewer than 17 NFL referees by yelling at them through the TV until my lungs bled.
- Exploration: College was… interesting.
- Restraint: Stopped watching Dexter at the end of Season 4 because I’d heard the last four seasons sucked shit. I know when to quit while I’m ahead. (RIP, Rita.)
- Awareness: I always know exactly how many beers I have left in the fridge at any given time.
- Generosity: Anyone who visits my house is given a free beer.
- Cash-handling: Then I’ll charge them for the next one.
- Thriftiness: I turn my condoms inside-out so they can be re-used.
- Cleanliness: I’ll throw it away after its second use.
(Part I)