Previously on Content Unrelated (4/22/13 – 4/28/13)

EDIT 2: All is working normally. Backlinks are up. All is right with the world.

EDIT: WordPress is being goddamn ridiculous right now. Dashboard and reader aren’t working. Neither is the ability to link anything to this post. Previously On… will move forward in its original form, without links. See something you like? Guess you’ll have to search last weeks posts and find it yourself.

Miss something this week?

Did you miss it four times?

Four fucking times.

Now’s your chance to make up for neglecting me.

Otherwise, you suck and I hate you.

Previously on Content Unrelated:

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Previously on Content Unrelated (4/14/13 – 4/21/13)

But Jeff, you already included last Sunday in your previous Previously On…, Why are you so goddamn stupid?

Because I hate you.

If you haven’t been paying attention to me (and I have no idea why that is), then you missed on more comedy gold this week.

GOLD I TELL YOU.

Fuck off.

Previously on Content Unrelated:

I kicked things off last Sunday night with a list of things you’re never warned about before you adopt a puppy. You should probably read that if you think you’re ready to venture forth into puppy ownership.

Thursday, I offered up my eulogy of the now-retired Dude Write. Goodnight, sweet prince.

Saturday, I drew (not really drew, I was a shitty art student) some parallels between working in the service industry, watching porn, and drug use.

And, of course, throughout the week I finished up the last set of five of the Ten Commandments of Eating in a Restaurant with:

Thou Shalt Take Responsibility for Thy Spawn
Thou Shalt Coordinate Thy Needs
Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Table
Thou Shalt Tip
Thou Shalt Not be a Dick

WHERE YOU AT, SPRINGS1?!

Come harass me on Twitter. Or, if you want to collaborate, guest post or have me over for dinner, click here!

Previously on Content Unrelated (4/8/13 – 4/14/13)

Seven posts this week, you guys! Did you keep up?

You did?

Go outside. Jesus.

Here’s what you should’ve been reading while you were taking a shit this week.

Previously on Content Unrelated:

With this being Sunday, I hope you’ve made room for more than the Ten Commandments you’re used to hearing about at each week’s end. Unless of course you’re a goddamned spaghetti monster-worshipping heathen.

I spent the last five days force-feeding you the first five of the Ten Commandments of Eating in a Restaurant. Learn them. Know them. The next five are coming this week.

THOU SHALT:
Be Patient
Not Use Thy Cell Phone
Create Thy Own Entree
Use Thy Server’s Name
Not Close The Restaurant

Along with those posts, I sprinkled in some awesomeness with Pet Recycling – the latest trend in going green.

Finally, I made my way back to bytestories to embarrass myself good and hard again.

Want to collaborate? Want me to write for you or have you guest post on Content Unrelated? Want to follow me on Twitter and give me shit? Click for info!

Previously on Content Unrelated (3/25/13 – 3/31/13)

Another week went down faster than an Asian hooker if you held a fifty dollar bill in front of your junk.

Not that I’d have a frame of reference even remotely similar.

Here’s what you missed!

Previously on Content Unrelated:

Our hero talked about the impact his digital footprint is having on his job search! Then we dug deep for the stupid and added a few more entries to the Content Unrelated Dictionary. And finally, I tried to explain myself to potential employers who might be e-stalking my shit right now.

And during some extracurricular activities, the fine folks at Dude Write and Bytestories gave me a Chairman’s Choice Award for my entry to their Tell-a-Tale contest. Check it out on Bytestories, and look for it in their eBook, dropping September of this year!

Want to collaborate? Want me to write for you or have you guest post on Content Unrelated? Want to follow me on Twitter and give me shit? Click for info!

Previously on Content Unrelated: (3/8/13 – 3/17/13)

Let’s just get it out there right now.

I blatantly and shamelessly stole this idea from Moog. I liked it. I wanted it. Eat a dick.

Not you, Moog; you’re cool. Unless you enjoy eating dicks, then, by all means.

I wanted to have something to top off the end of each week, to recap everything from the last seven days in case you either:

A.) Missed something
B.) Just got here and don’t know where to start, or
C.) Have absolutely nothing else better to do with your day than to re-read my bullshit.

This Previously on… includes a post or two from last week, because I started this blog on a Friday, and I wasn’t about to recap one goddamn post last Sunday.

Previously on Content Unrelated:
I set the bar as low as I could  and gave a warning of what to expect to get everyone started; and then I told you to go fuck yourself, but you probably didn’t even notice.

I took the perspective of my downstairs neighbors who call the office to complain every time they hear a pin drop.

We went to the future and talked about how I’m more of a fashionist than a racist (which, admittedly sounds kind of gay, but whatever).

Took a couple minutes and played chess with some asparagus before enjoying the victory of taking a morning shit after breakfast but before a shower, among other things.

I gave Urban Dictionary a run for its money, ate my girlfriend’s shampoo and conditioner, and I came back from going black.

What were your favorites? Least favorites? Want to talk about something completely unrelated? Now’s your chance for a free-for-all in the comments.