Things I noticed after 41 hours of no sleep.

1. People move really fucking fast.
Driving home on Hour 37 of being awake, I noticed something peculiar about hour people were driving or walking down the street. They were moving twice as fast as I was. I couldn’t believe my lack of sleep had opened my eyes to how much slower I’d been moving my whole life.

2. People are really angry.
I found it strange those same people who were moving with such haste around me on the road  were also incredibly short-tempered. Specifically, they seemed to direct that anger and malice towards me, and I still can’t seem to put my finger on why. Sleep deprivation is an incredible tool to gain insight on peoples’ general attitude and demeanor.

And these people put the mean in demeanor. Let me tell you.

3. Coffee.
Coffee coffee coffee. Coffee coffeeeeeeeeeeeee? COFFEE. Coffee. Coughee. Coffee.

4. People talk a lot louder than I thought.
Another thing my sleep deprivation opened my eyes (ears, rather) to was the fact that people talk unnecessarily loud. More often than not I found myself with a splitting headache caused simply by the sounds of a person’s voice. I couldn’t believe I’d never noticed the volume at which people regularly spoke before. It’s like that all-nighter gave me superpowers.

5. Coffee.
Fucking coffee, you guys.

 

 

Okay guys I’m gonna go catch some Zs like they’re Pokemon and it’s fucking 1998.

 

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DO IT. Just. DO IT.

When I know the dogs have to shit but all they do is sniff around for 20 minutes.
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When I’ve been to a table four times and the guest still hasn’t decided what to eat.
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Driving behind someone who won’t move from the left lane of the highway even though they aren’t going the speed limit.
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Calling someone immediately after they called me, wondering why they aren’t picking up even though my MISSED CALL log clearly states they had their phone in their fucking hands like 10 goddamned seconds ago.
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Guest Post: Andrew Doodoo.

I know I’ve been absent from all your lives for far too long. But I have an excuse.

I got a second job! I know! A brand new thing to hate! Yay, me!

In the meantime, I’ve been up to no good over at my new side-blog, “Goddammit, Jeff.” It’s like this one but, you know, worse.

And over on this side of things, my good buddy Andrew Stillman, The Artist Mindset creator and writer extraordinaire, is stopping by Content Unrelated to talk shit with you guys.

Literally.

I’ve linked to posts of his before, so if you haven’t clicked them yet, you’re really doing yourselves a disservice.

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Hatemail.

M friend CB does some writing on his free time. It’s mostly a sports blog but he’s in the middle of a transition with his site, otherwise I’d link it up here. Instead, here’s a weird Anime picture of someone who got shoved in a tiger’s ass.

EDIT: CB’s site is up and running. His first post is about Plaxico Burress’ love of pussy. Read it or the terrorists win. And now, the weird Anime picture of someone who got shoved in a tiger’s ass.

weird animeCB’s writing is pretty much unfiltered and uncensored because he’s a man who says what he wants and gives absolutely zero fucks about who he offends.

As such, he receives a lot of hatemail.

When he told me this, I didn’t tell him to maybe tone it down a bit. I didn’t tell him he was alienating parts of his audience. I didn’t tell him to be more careful.

I told him I was jealous.

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As it turns out, there are stupid questions after all.

As it turns out, searching for part-time, single-digits-per-hour work is just as difficult as finding something that resembles a career.

As difficult.

More annoying.

I’m trying to find a part-time job to fill in the less productive gaps of my life where I lay on the couch under a blanket of Cheetos crumbs and wonder where I went wrong. So I figure, hey, I can spare another 20-30 hours a week if it means upgrading from dinners seasoned with the salt of my tears to dinners flavored with actual seasonings.

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