That thing you’re doing? Stop.

Attn: People on Twitter or Facebook who post live updates of TV programming.

You working folk know how important it is to be able to sneak away for a bit to access your favorite social media sites. How else could you keep people updated on how much you hate your job and how much of a C U Next Tuesday your boss is?

Well, as you know, not all of us work nine-to-fivers. Some of us work Sunday nights and we don’t get to watch Game of Thrones right away. So when we’re at work and we take a peek at our phones, the last thing we want to see is five tweets from the same person giving a fucking play-by-play of spoilers to shows we’ve planned to watch recordings of when we get home.

Also, the mere, even vague mention of a twist ending or character’s death or cliffhanger, without spoiling the details, is still a goddamned spoiler.

Say something about how awesome the show was. That’s fine! But give it at least 24 hours before you go and ruin it for the people who haven’t seen it.

Same goes for people watching sporting events. If I want to watch a game, I’ll watch it. But I didn’t set up a Facebook account to act as a live feed for misspelled, overly exclamatory status updates about bad calls, shitty refs, awesome catches and to-the-minute scoring updates.

I can’t imagine what it’s like living on the West Coast.

That thing you’re doing? Stop.


“Is this going to be forever?”

A friend recently posted on Facebook about an encounter she had with a guest while this person was dining in her section.

I’ll paraphrase, because I’m too lazy to click over and copy verbatim.

“So, what are you going to do with real life?”

Real life? What is this? The Matrix? Because I see spoons fucking everywhere. Last I checked my colleagues and I put very real food in front of your very fat and very real faces every day.

That fourth soda you’re drinking is fucking real.

That plate of Adult Onset Diabetes is fucking real.

Don’t tell me what I’m doing isn’t real life because it’s putting a roof over my head and keeping me from doing coke off a tranny hooker’s cock for money.

Your condescension is thicker than the plaque in your arteries.

I speak for every server in the industry when I say I’d love nothing more than to use  my college degree for something other than kissing your ass in hopes you’ll help me make rent every month.

Enjoy your well done steak. It’s burned because you ordered it well done.

Yes I’ll get it fixed right away.



M friend CB does some writing on his free time. It’s mostly a sports blog but he’s in the middle of a transition with his site, otherwise I’d link it up here. Instead, here’s a weird Anime picture of someone who got shoved in a tiger’s ass.

EDIT: CB’s site is up and running. His first post is about Plaxico Burress’ love of pussy. Read it or the terrorists win. And now, the weird Anime picture of someone who got shoved in a tiger’s ass.

weird animeCB’s writing is pretty much unfiltered and uncensored because he’s a man who says what he wants and gives absolutely zero fucks about who he offends.

As such, he receives a lot of hatemail.

When he told me this, I didn’t tell him to maybe tone it down a bit. I didn’t tell him he was alienating parts of his audience. I didn’t tell him to be more careful.

I told him I was jealous.

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