Salsa blanca.

I still take showers like a 14-year-old boy.

That is, they usually last longer than 20 minutes because I spend most of my time beating my dick like it owes me money. My shower is the only place I can do it without my dogs watching me, longingly, while salivating at the thought of peanut-buttered scrotums.

I don’t care if they can’t talk. Make eye contact with your pet the next time you decide to practice your organ solo. If you can still finish, I will both applaud your perversion and get a restraining order from you for my pets.

But be warned, fellow bath-jackers, while you might enjoy the 2nd-degree burns from a hot shower, the worst thing you can do is to keep that water hot when you send your minions on a suicide mission down the drain.


Hot water plus jizz equals instant, man-made superglue.

You’ll be peeling the corpses of your would-be children off your skin for days.

Do you really want that on your conscience?

Turn the water heat down and send those motherfuckers packing.


Talk to me. I'm needy.

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