Off the grid.

In case you haven’t noticed, your readers have been lacking in dick jokes and four letter words.

I’m not sorry.

Okay, actually I am kind of sorry. I’ve just spent so much time building this don’t-give-a-shit persona so really I’m only trying to keep up appearances.

So fuck you.

See? I did it again.

I’ve taken a few days off because my girlfriend and I recently moved into a new apartment. Those of you who’ve moved before know it sometimes takes precedence over getting on WordPress and insulting people. But I’ve found a few spare minutes in my new apartment’s bathroom, because when it comes to prioritizing during a move, taking a shit tops the list every time.

Greetings from the beautiful city of Fuck if I Tell You Where I Live! Wish you were here!

The only thing weird about the whole thing is that we’re back in our hometown. It’s nice to be near family again but we always swore we’d never come back, but, extenuating circumstances, and all that.

Don’t get me wrong, though, the town of Fuck If I Tell You Where I Live isn’t a terrible place to live, it’s just sort of like the island from LOST. When you get here, you’re all

WE GOTTA GET OFF THIS DAMN ROCK.

And then, when you’ve finally left, when you’re finally free, you’re all

WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE ISLAND.

And then, after you look around and take it all in, you’re just like

WHY DID WE COME BACK TO THE ISLAND.

It also doesn’t matter when you’re here, it always seems like some of the same people have been here forever.

And the locals hate outsiders. We have our own smoke monster and everything.

Until next time, friends. Praise be unto Jacob.

4 8 15 16 23 42, and all that.