Jerky McDickface: Spot-stealer and angry note-leaver.

People just can’t let it go, man.

Every person or group of friends knows that one asshole who has to have the last word. It doesn’t matter if this person is right or wrong, he/she always needs to chime in with his/her two cents.

Know what? Putting in your two cents has been said to have originated in the 16th century. Adjusted to inflation, if you aren’t giving me like $4,529 to open your goddamn mouth, you can go ahead and keep your last words to yourself before I make them your last words.

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Previously on Content Unrelated (4/22/13 – 4/28/13)

EDIT 2: All is working normally. Backlinks are up. All is right with the world.

EDIT: WordPress is being goddamn ridiculous right now. Dashboard and reader aren’t working. Neither is the ability to link anything to this post. Previously On… will move forward in its original form, without links. See something you like? Guess you’ll have to search last weeks posts and find it yourself.

Miss something this week?

Did you miss it four times?

Four fucking times.

Now’s your chance to make up for neglecting me.

Otherwise, you suck and I hate you.

Previously on Content Unrelated:

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No but seriously, leave.

Or, what you say to a really clingy chick after a one night stand.

You expect me to sneak out of my own house?

There’s a bus station down the street if you’d prefer not to wok, ho.

Now I kind of want some Chinese food.

THE MSG STANDS FOR ME SO GODDAMNHUNGRY.

I’ll show myself out.

Ghosts and black women.

This is my new favorite store, you guys.

While driving down the skreet, I’d been wondering to myself, I wonder where I can find a good deal on lost souls and black chicks.

And then I came across my new favorite store.

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Not only do they have a wide variety of wines, but they have fantastic deals on ghouls, ghosts and African American women.

This week they have a really sweet BOSBWGOSBW special. That’s Buy One Sassy Black Woman, Get One Sassy Black Woman free.

They also have the Comboo. This is their best deal because its a combination of both their specialties: The ghost of a black girl. A twofer that can’t be beat!

Financial Darwinism.

It’s been a general rule that people are terrible with money.

MC Hammer, Wesley Snipes.

America.

Fuck yeah.

Fuck yeah.

The history of our very existence is littered with terrible decision-making in regards to how money should be spent.

We live in a world where people order five-dollar lattes from Starbucks six times a week. A world where it’s totally acceptable to take eight days off from work for the sole purpose of waiting in line for a goddamn iPhone.

A world where people spend money on Justin Bieber tickets.

And we just up and give credit cards to all these people.

How great! Credit cards and other plastic forms of money help people learn how to be financially responsible by allowing them to track their spending habits online. What’s the worst thing a person can do with a shiny new card?

Not make the monthly payments on time? Constantly exceed the credit limit? Acquire unnecessary shit just because you can?

How about proudly taking a picture of your pretty new credit or debit card and posting it on the goddamn Twitter machine.

Ladies and gentlemen: the evolution of financial stupidity.

Monetary natural selection.

I give you… @NeedADebitCard.

DebitCard1

This is a Twitter account that exists for the sole purpose of retweeting to its over 12,000 followers, pictures of people’s debit cards that they themselves have posted to the motherfucking general public.

DebitCard2

Not blurring out Twitter handles because no one this stupid deserves to be shielded from ridicule.

 

These are real people posting real pictures of their very real debit cards.

I, for one, am proud to share a social media site with someone who takes the time to come up with an idea like this. Free debit card numbers? Sign me up. I’ve been lusting after a tablet for months, and now I might just be one random stranger’s 16 digits away from finally owning one.

If I knew I could get away with it, I’d probably just use their credit cards to help pay off my credit cards because my credit score sucks the donkey’s balls. Thanks, college!

Now, to be fair, since I spent so much time talking about Financial Darwinism, it’s only right I  give equal attention to Financial Creationism.

ON THE FIRST DAY, the Lord GOD created ABRAHAM LINCOLN, because He needed someone to put on the penny…