Some words would be served better or used more if they had completely different definitions. I took some words I thought could use a new twist, giving them some (or even more) versatility within the realm of the English language. Below are those words.
Someone who is not allowed within a court-determined distance of a record store.
“Hello, FYE employee. My name is Tim and I am required by law to inform you that I have recently moved into the neighborhood.”
The one person in a group of friends who carries the weed.
“Hey, man, who’s got the weed?”
“Check with Eric, he has joint custody.”
Spanish for “with science.”
“He resuelto el problema conscience!”
A really, really tiny Mexican donkey.
“Aww, look at that burrito! We should kill it and wrap its delicious meat in a flour tortilla!”
A device for measuring a person’s pedophilia.
“Before you can become a TSA employee, we just need to scan you with this pedometer.”
A detailed breakdown of, but not limited to, blacks, Hispanics and Asians in a given area.
“We should check the minority report before we move there.”
A man with two aroused penises.
“Jesus fucking Christ.”
Is not water.
Have any words to which you’d like to give new definitions? Leave them in the comments or find me on Twitter!